24 January, 2007

New rules for TV producers

Never work with children, animals or real people.

Unfortunately real people have a habit of saying, and indeed being, very different things to what you had hoped. First Jade puts her foot in it and now a young lady on Channel 4's Shipwreck program has embarrassed the channel and her parents, if not herself.

The inconvenient truth is that there are lots of people in the world who hold some very stupid and ill informed views. If your TV schedule is packed full of programs where the general public air their views unscripted and unedited eventually some of these daft comments will come out.

Reality TV is cheap and easy and popular and for the most part rubbish. Hopefully the last few weeks of embarrassment will convince TV producers to come up with some better programmes. If they will not change their ways, here are a few reality TV formats that they may wish to try out.

"Reality TV"
A group of TV execs sit around a table coming up with ideas for a reality TV programme. Each week the one with the worst idea is voted off, the winner gets their programme made.

"Pro Celebrity Boxing"
Copying the successful format of pro-celebrity golf, profestional heavy-weight boxers go ten rounds with some of the country's favourite "celebs". Nikolay Valuev vs Gorgeous George Galloway would get the series off to a good start.


"Helmund"
Labour Defence Ministers spend six months in Southern Afghanistan being shot at by a highly motivated and experienced enemy. Viewers ring in to vote for the Minister they want to send home. The one with the most votes stays exactly where he is and gets on with the job in hand, as do the rest.

"Peerage"
Viewers ring in to the office of a fictional Head of Government and pledge money (a bit like Children in Need) the ten who pledge the most money get a permanent place in the legislative process.

Please feel free to use the comment section to come up with your own idea. The winner get to watch me steal their idea pitch it to Channel 4.

2 comments:

Jimmy said...

London Mayor X-Factor Special

Three people, all smug millionaires with no talent of their own (perhaps called Dave), audition members of the public to be London Mayor. We get to watch them insulting members of the public in the first round and then, after some basic training, they are put in a series of situations which test their mayoral capabilities. Situations would include plying them with alcohol and putting them in front of journalists to see if they can be provoked to come out with any racist comments (c.f. Jade in Big Brother or Ken Livingstone leaving a party for Chris Smith).

The person who demonstrates that they are least capable of doing the job, whilst catering to the lowest common denominator is elected mayor by text message, and releases a number one single, a cover of 'Maybe its because I'm a Londoner' in a nasally voice with newts in the video.

Daily Referendum said...

James stop it, you are only giving them ideas.

I personally like MTV's celebrity death match. If only it was real.